The Existential Freedom of Quitting a Dissertation
I have posted previously about my attempt to finish my dissertation for a Ph.D. in philosophy at UC Santa Cruz. However, I recently decided not to pursue completion of my dissertation any longer, for several reasons. For example:
The time limit for completion of the degree is seven years, which will be up in March, 2013.
In January I would need to pay tuition for one quarter, out of pocket, to re-enroll and file for the degree (a hefty $6,000 sum).
Although I have been working on the dissertation steadily over the years, it has been difficult to devote more than a few hours a week (on a good week!) to my dissertation work.
After a frank discussion with my advisers, we all agreed that I am unable to devote the necessary time to work on the dissertation, in light of my other work commitments for Aplia and Cengage Learning.
Frankly, I have always been a better teacher of philosophy than an actual philosopher; teaching will always be my first love over research.
So what does it mean to quit a dissertation, either for me personally or in general? First, quitting a dissertation is something of an identity crisis for me, both because I have devoted so much time and emotional energy to attempting to get a Ph.D. and because I have created a personal narrative or script about myself around that goal: "I'm Zachary Fruhling, the Ph.D. candidate." Now I am "Zachary Fruhling, the M.A." and "Zachary Fruhling, the Senior Content Developer." (Here is the list of degree recipients from the philosophy department at UC Santa Cruz: UCSC Philosophy Department Graduate Student Placement Record.)
Although it was a difficult decision for me to quit my dissertation, it is certainly the right move for me. For too long I have tried to ride two saddles, working on a Ph.D. and being a senior content developer working on digital course materials for Aplia and Cengage Learning. In reality, I also ride many other saddles: husband, homeowner, friend, family member, Christian, and so on. To put it bluntly, my dissertation was interfering with my ability to be fully present in these other roles and commitments.
As for the self-narrative, I am trying to remind myself that quitting my dissertation is not so much a failure on my part as it is a natural consequence of a choice in priorities I made several years ago in choosing to focus on teaching and publishing instead of prioritizing my dissertation work. Since I have been successful in every other area, it would be fool-hearty of me to dwell on this decision as a failure in any way. I am paid well to continue to work in my chosen field, I recently purchased a house in my beloved hometown of Vacaville, CA (near my family and near my dearest old friends), and many, many students nationwide are using course materials that I have produced for their philosophy courses (Aplia for Philosophy), which is a much wider net for quality education than I was able to cast in my own courses with just a handful of students at a time.
To sum it up, quitting your dissertation can be an existentially freeing decision if your priorities have changed and if you are successful in other areas of your life. While it is virtuous to finish what you started, it is foolish to ignore the currents, trends, and movements in your life, if they are leading you in another direction.
